Thoughts from My Heart

If we would but spend as much time anticipating reaping the harvest of love, as we spend meticulously cultivating our little gardens of misery, we would be much happier people.

For as long as I can remember, I intensely yearned for loyalty, for someone who would "stand up for me", for companions who would uphold my righteous indignation. Not too long ago, I learned a very valuable lesson about that. Indeed, I found those who kindly fortified my beliefs that I had been wronged, who rallied round with sympathy and/or anger (as needed), who validated my anguish. How sweet was the feeling that people really cared enough about me to acknowledge that I was an innocent, caught up in a web of pain that I definitely did not deserve to be in! I will never forget the looks of compassion, nor remove from my heart the joy of knowing someone did care. But, sadly, I learned that for loyalty to exist, a battle of some sort must take place. Sides must be chosen. Someone must betray me. And, I am quite capable of filling myself with self-righteousness. Those are all very ugly things. I do not want to feel "loyalty" again. Rather, I would hope that I could address conflicts with truth before they become battles. Honest attempts at peace, understanding, and truth are more valuable than a cheering section! Let us honor those who play on our stages, whether they portray ally or foe.

One day, as I was observing an acquaintance tell the same old sob story, I realized, that over my lifetime, I, too, had spent an exorbitant amount of time wishing someone would take notice of my pain. I realized that I had often mistaken pity and sympathy for love. It seems to me that the same things hold true for many of the people I know. I wonder just how many of us do confuse love and pity? As I look around me, I think the answer would include a large portion of our society, maybe as large a portion as those who confuse sexual attraction with love.

I was talking with a woman who I knew had recently met a dear friend of mine. I was sure she would not know him by name, but I described briefly the conditions of their meeting. I then set about to describe his physical appearance. I could tell her his approximate height and body size. I could expound on his glorious mane of hair. But, when I started to tell her the color of his eyes, all I could say is that they are the color of compassion. You can sing your songs about blue eyes, or about brown eyes. As for me, I want compassionate eyes, too.

As I recalled this experience a few days ago, the effort of passing that test had faded. It had been a very difficult drill for both my partner and myself. What I did realize, instead, was what an exercise in faith that had been. It was difficult to rely on an unseen force to provide me with life-giving air. It was, literally, blind faith! Applying this to spirituality, I often find myself trying to call the shots in my life. How hard it is to trust that a force, which I will call God, is there, holding the breath of life for me. How often I must tell myself to relax and know that all will be taken care of. Yet, it always is. I have had a good and just share of air, not just enough to stay alive, but an excess with which to grow. The times when my heart and eyes are closed, are the times The One swims me safely to the other end.

I can now say, "Thank you!" when a compliment is directed to me. I no longer have to tell anyone how unworthy of their praise I am. You see, one person did in a few short months, what I could not do for myself in a lifetime. He held before me a mirror that showed my inherent good. No matter that everything about me is not perfect by society's measure, no matter that I have behaved improperly at times, or caused pain to others, or have done too little or too much, there is still much about me which is wonderful. To deny those things is to deny the gifts with which God has graced my life . Meeting my mirror is one of the greatest gifts I have received.

I have learned to honor silence from those who talk incessantly. I have learned to trust from those who are paranoid. I have learned to be honest from those who cheat. I have learned to bend from those who are rigid. I have learned to hope from those who despair. I have learned tolerance from those who judge. I have learned peace from those in turmoil. I have learned compassion from those who are cruel. I have learned to allow free choice from those who control. I have learned to be bold from those who fear. I have learned to walk from those who stand still. I am both student and teacher.

I find very interesting the destinations of the many pathways we follow during our lifetimes. One of the greatest paradox of my life was this: As a child and teen, I walked a very rigid path of devout religion. It was much later in life that the road I traveled, while proclaiming myself an atheist, led me to a Higher Power with whom I felt the love and freedom that was missing in my youth. Most everything I ever said I would never do, I have done. In so doing, I have lost most of the self-righteousness I knew as a young person. In it's place, I have gained understanding and compassion. It was a harsh road to travel, but well worth the bruises.

It seems to me that in our society, those who are optimists, who are cheerful and joyous, are looked upon as freaks. Isn't it sad that, so often, we feel we must hide our joy or good fortune in order to fit without ridicule into the groups around us? We may arise in the best of spirits, only to succumb to groanings and belittlings when we find ourselves in the midst of other complainers. Instead, we might strive to bring them up out of their bleak outlooks on life. I have learned one thing about hiding my joy. At times I have had intense amounts of bliss, but for various reasons did not think it permissible to share. So, I suppressed those feelings. What I found to be true for me, is that when I turn such an intense emotion inward, it will come out in one form or another. For me, it is in an equal and opposite force of sadness. What a different world we would live in if, instead of deeming them phonies, we would concentrate on emulating those bubbling fountains. Surely, we all know at least one!

Reality is quite irrelevant. It is our individual perceptions that color our vision and key our hearing, thereby dictating which emotions are stirred.

In many areas of my life, that is so very true. The things I do best are the things I do without questioning the possibility. I just do. There is another area which has often brought personal achievements. That is the category of: "Things You Can't Do Because You're a Girl....." Naivete and Challenge--two of life's most powerful driving forces.

Tuesday, April 16, 1996

Do you believe in Magic? You know, the kind with pixie dust and fairy wings and moonbeams in your heart? If not, try my favorite recipe sometime. Ingredients: (1) warm summer night; (1) back yard or other open space, perhaps out West; (1) skyful of stars; (1) sleeping bag; (1) pillow; a handful of night sounds; an occasional breeze; and the smell of your choice of newly mown grasses, sawed lumber, or flowers. Lay sleeping bag and pillow out in open space beneath starry sky. Snuggle down inside bag and turn face toward the heavens. Feel gentle breeze caressing your face. Tune ears into the sounds of the night. Take a deep breath, then revel in the sweet smells. Throw in a pinch of fog (optional). Feel the dew settling on your skin, hair, and blanket. Enjoy sensory satiation as you gently drift off to sleep. You will then know that Magic does exist! This recipe serves 1-2.

Reach for the stars! Even if you miss your goal, the stretch will leave you a bigger person.

With your first step in opposition to your personal belief system, the gates of hell crack open just the tiniest bit, opening wider with each step. It is when you walk hand-in-hand with yourself that the windows of heaven open and the blessings flow.

When you put someone on a pedestal, there is a great chance that they will fall off and land right on top of you. Both will be bruised. The lesson learned is not about your fallen idol's faults or demise. It is about yourself. Whatever quality you so admired in that person is something you have inside yourself but can not acknowledge. It takes their fall from grace to allow you to feel that you are as good as you thought they were. The lesson to learn is that we are all brothers and sisters, no one better than another. Rather than sitting beneath those you admire, walk side-by-side with them.

I credit two people with saving my life; my friends, Judy and Gary. Gary gave me something to make sure the life he saved was worthwhile. Over and over he hammered "The Prayer of St. Francis" into my head. If you don't know it, find it and make it your personal prayer. I guarantee if you ask to be used as a channel of light and love to help others, it will happen, and you will be blessed along the way.

Too few people are familiar with the house rules of The Game of Real Life. It is one game of chance that allows you to cash in your losses, as well as your winnings. You have two options for trading: (1) You may cash in your losses for a license to be mean, to hate, to wallow in self-pity, and to begrudge the good fortunes of others. (2) You may trade in your losses for tools of compassion and understanding, that from the ashes of your misfortune, you might build up new lives for yourself and others . You may take your pick immediately, or you may accumulate and compound interest on your choice. Keep in mind, it is legal to exchange option #1 for option #2 at any time. This is a very advisable move. Good Luck and Good Life!

Saturday, May 04, 1997

Midnight's Running

Midnight's running toward the dawn

To greet the sun with open arms.

Leave behind the dark of night.

Rejoice while walking in the Light!

Forget the rain...ignore the snow!

MAKE your sunshine where e'er you go!

Open your heart, let others in.

Spread your wings and soar the wind.

When you find someone in need,

Turn on your Light, and take the lead!

If at dusk you feel forlorn,

Remember the sunshine in the morn!

Rosie

5/4/96

written for my cyber friend, iceman

Not every sentence ends with a period. Sometimes we must end with a question mark and then go on to the next sentence in the story.

Have you ever opened your mouth to speak, and the words that escaped your lips were a complete surprise to you? You did not realize at all that you thought what you just expressed? Could those uncomposed statements be the teachings of your higher self?

Before you insist that another person stop to smell the roses, consider that they might find other flowers more sweet.

The moral of the story is: Don't be afraid to wish, nor to ask for patience. For if you have patience, you may see your own creations come to life!

It is only when one accepts death as natural and as a beneficial release of the spirit from the bondage of body that she becomes free to live.

Have you ever noticed how many people profess to have great faith in God, yet must have their hands in everything, trying to manipulate the outcome? Aren't these two things contradictory?

Humility keeps you from trying to pull that trick on others, as you realize the divinity of all beings.

I still agonize over my words, still try to carefully choose what I will say if given the opportunity. However, now I choose words based on what I think would cause the least harm or pain to another individual, rather than what would produce my desired outcome. It is my goal to let go even more and trust that my words will be guided to produce the most beneficial outcome for all parties involved, knowing that I don't really have the power to determine whether or not my words will sting. As faith grows, so does the ability to let go. As I let go, the probability of receiving the best outcome increases proportionately.

Recently I have noticed that whenever I am feeling down and maybe a little less than worthwhile, perhaps wondering what I am doing with my life and feeling a bit sorry for myself, God always sends a messenger to remind me what a blessed life I have. I wonder how long this has been going on! Do you suppose this has been happening all of my life and I was blind to it? How about you? Are you looking and listening for your messengers?

Why is it that we feel we must be nicer when we are in leadership roles, than when we are just being ourselves? In truth, shouldn't we strive to always behave the same whether in the limelight or not? What would make lashing out at someone any more acceptable while out of my leadership role, than while in it? The answer...NOTHING! So I must keep in mind to behave in such a manner from now on.